I just wanted to come on here and check my mail, approve comments and see what was going on since it has been way too long. I have attended several leather events across Georgia, Florida and Indiana. My greatest joy came about a month ago when I was requested to be on an elders panel of those in the community a very long time. I love sharing my experiences with others; not because I think I’m  know it all….because I like to give others information and knowledge about a time that is gone by. If anyone out there tells you that THEIR point of view is the only worthwhile one then steer clear of them. No one can walk a mile in your journey nor has the right to tell you how to walk through it. Steer away from trouble makers, drama creators and those who borrow money and promise to repay it but never do. I know several who have borrowed large sums of money and to this day have never repayed it. Thankfully when I was hit up for it I said NO! I’d still be waiting for it. We have a few of those in the leather community. There are many unscrupulous characters who do for the community at the price of the community being robbed. Many times, Leather has become the cesspool for those who don’t identify as vanilla and these people end up doing a ton of damage. I have met quite a number of mentally unstable guys and some really screwed up dynamics that are destructive, not necessarily to the relationship but to everyone around them. You have to be in a clique and play ball the way you are told other wise you are ostracized.

It does do me a world of good to see my leather family from around the country at these smaller events. You get a chance to bond and connect with them in a way you cant in a large event. I have met some incredible selfless leather men who I connected to and I can say they are my friends now and I look forward to seeing them all again soon. I am surrounding myself with men like this and leaving what is bad a far away from me as I possibly can. I now have quite a number of fantastic leathermen and women in my circle of friends and I  am grateful for them all since my family is all dead now. In my mind, I keep thinking of the Disney movie, Meet the Robinson’s. The man theme fo that animated film for those of you who havent seen it; KEEP MOVING FORWARD! With that I am moving myself into bed. Peace to you all and to all a good night!

1. I am bragging and I am rich and that people like me because of it… I am indeed rich with great guys who indeed like me. When I blog here and I talk about whats going on in my life its NOT meant to brag.. I have worked a long time and very hard to get whatever I have. This ASSHOLE who sent me these comments wasn’t even man enough to post his correct email address. When I tried to respond to him the email was bounced back.

2. He wishes I moved back to NYC because Florida would be rid of me…lets see…I work with the Broward county Health dept in their HIV division of prevention. I have attended all the protest workshops held in Miami when it was found out that the Federal poverty level would be reduced throwing off over 1500 Floridians OFF their medication because they would no longer be eligible. I wonder if this ASSHOLE attended those meetings or if hes HIV positive and if he IS then he should have been there to fight them to NOT arbitrarily change the law so that these people would get thrown off meds and the ADAP list. Hey Jerk off..do you even know what the ADAP list is? In addition I am on the Florida State Health Department gay men HIV work group who advocates prevention for those NOT infected with HIV; to prevent those who already are infected to NOT get re infected with the 39 different strains or to get co infected with other STD’s. I am also one of the volunteer coordinators for the Gay and Lesbian Community Center here in Wilton Manors..Hey Dave, what the fuck do YOU do for the community down here other than send comments that I cant respond to?

3. I am an asshole who only cares about myself and no one else… SEE ITEM 2 ABOVE, JERKOFF!!

Dealing with that was complex because of the nature of my relationship to her and her inherent indifference to who I am as a gay man and the abuse I received from her as a child and young teenager. I took care of her, and did my best. Her last wishes (and boy did she have last wishes) were followed to the letter (under threats of her haunting me for the rest of my life). I was in a funk for quite a long while..not because she was gone per se but because I knew now that I was really without family. I realized that 95 is a GREAT age and she died in her sleep…but being alone and now feeling alone got me down.

I am GRATEFUL my friend Kevin who lives with me was there to make me feel less alone and then another  guy came into my life who moved into my guest house and got me out of my funk. The guy is only 21 but his energy affection and warmth was just what the doctor ordered. He still lives here and I enjoy every day of him (for the most part).

The holidays were quiet as per my cultures tradition after a parents death, and in Dec I ended up in the hospital for an overnight stay. My heart was racing..all stress related but I am ok now and made up my mind to take better care of myself. My 21 yr old came to the hospital and spent the night in the room with me in my bed. It was quite a scene to have the nurses come in and see him next to me while they drew blood in the middle of the night.

Another birthday passed in January and my friends made it a GREAT time. I just got back from Augusta Georgia and attended the Mr SECC contest and I had a great time. Kevin and my 21 yr old came along with me but before we got to Augusta, we went up to Jasper Georgia in the mountains and I bought a 10.10 acre farm that now has cows on it and a natural spring. I am not sure I want to spend the rest of my life solely in South Florida. My plan is to build a home there and create an artist commune since I have gotten more involved in the art and photographic scene having been a photographer in my youth and living with 2 artists with SIR in that leather commune so many years ago.

So we are now up to date…I hope to write more regularly now. I will be back up in Jasper in 2 weeks to close on the land and begin my new adventure

And in the end….My LAST long time HIV surviving friend Robert “Chandler” Karasik died this morning of AIDS related cancer, July 3, 2010.

It was as horrific as anything I ever experienced in the 1980′s. I am sad but even more relieved that its over. I am exhausted beyond any words I can convey to you out there.

Last night I was very restless after getting two phone calls from his sister Gloria telling me that the hospice nurse told her that it wasn’t going to be long. I couldn’t sleep and was restless so my roommate Ron and I stayed up and hung out in the backyard and talked. About 3:45AM I felt a finger on my arm in the EXACT spot Chandler had asked me to put his star (Ink tattoo)) after he died. I told Ron he was here and then I said, “hes dead.” I said that for 15 minutes while still feeling that light touch on my right arm..About 4AM I got up and commented that “why is it that they always pick 4AM to die?” I went to bed and at 8:40AM Sat morning,  his sister called and said that he wasn’t moving and his eyes were open as was his mouth.. I told her that he was gone.  She thought he fell asleep with his mouth open since it was dark and she had the lights out. She explained to me that she heard him gurgling and sounding like he was clearing his throat..she thought he was getting up again but then the sound stopped and she assumed he went back to sleep..what is was is the common term as the death rattle. I asked her if this happened at about 4AM and she said WHAT how did you know to which I explained to her what I just wrote here. I told her that Chandler came to say goodbye to me by pointing on my arm where the star was going to be inked on my arm. He KNEW I would understand that he had left all the pain and disease behind.

I got dressed and went over there with Ron and she was a mess.. I helped her with phone calls the hospice nurse and the funeral home since Chandler had already paid for EVERYTHING. I peeked into the room where he left his AIDS racked body and saw how peaceful he was and his legs were that of a doll and at 5’11″ he was only 90  pounds. He was covered with his blanket and was so painfully thin. I went around to the neighbors at Gloria’s request asking if anyone wanted to see him before the funeral home came since his body is being shipped up to New Jersey for the service and burial. Several of the guys came to see him one last time but the wives stayed with Gloria while I helped the hospice nurse and go through papers, making calls and keeping Gloria calm.

The death certificate was signed and the funeral home guys came and by 11:15AM they went into the bedroom, wrapped him gently in the blanket he died in and placed him in a blue cloth zip up bag. I couldn’t watch as they wheeled him out of his home on a stretcher for the last time. Ron stayed with Gloria and watched while I turned away facing the kitchen and cried. MY 20 year time with him was over. He loved his home so much and I just couldn’t watch him leaving it like that. I stayed with Gloria several more hours getting things together for her to take up to New  Jersey.

I am now the LAST one left of the entire group of men I grew along with. This will be my last time care-taking anyone with HIV. I am DONE with it..On Monday,  I will be getting HIS star inked on my arm and again this  is the last star I am adding to it. I realize that AIDS is not going away because men insist on bare-backing and spreading this virus with the God Damn stupid idea that the meds will keep them going forever without ANY consequences or side effects so they can just keep bare-backing regardless of co infections with OTHER STD’s and reinfection with different variants of the HIV virus. You know what the worst part is? You have so many fucked up young gay men who will say, well hey that’s his choice and hes my friend so whatever he wants to do is ok with me…FRIEND? Are you FREAKIN kidding me? JESUS Christ if you are a friend you don’t tell them anything because yer afraid of losing their friendship? Well if they get sick and die you’re going to lose them ANYWAY DUMB-ASS.

The gay society is very ‘well its not me so whatever they want to do doesn’t affect MY life and they are my friend and can do what they want’. This I have heard MANY times. That’s just so FU^KED up I cant even put it into words.. When these A-HOLES watch their friends dying in front of them I wonder what then?

I know 7 guys that died just in June from AIDS related and HIV med induced cancer. You don’t think a NEW wave of death is upon us??

The reason for this post is twofold. I had the pleasure of meeting a guy named Kris. What moved me was that when I looked at this man I saw my youth. He had gray hair and a big stache. It was a throw back to the leathermen of the 1970′s in his look, demeanor and mannerisms. The men I grew up with IN leather. I noticed he wore his armband on the right meaning he was a submissive and for his age his bare ass looked great in his chaps.  In hearing his story though I realized he was straight and hes married.I spent a lot of time with him because he so much reminded me of the men I knew way back  in the day.

He has had great difficulty within the leather community. Why? Because NO gay male leather group would accept him BECAUSE hes straight. Translated that means, well you are a straight guy so we cant get to have sex with you and if we cant fuck around with you, then you are of no use to us. Was I surprised, with the way the community is now, God no not at all..

This brings me to my second reason. The First Coast accepted him into their membership without hesitation so he is a member of their group because its all about brotherhood not who gets off with who. The meaning of leather has been diluted and perverted far more than anything I could do sexually to a boy. I was so impressed with this that I filled out an application, paid my membership on the spot and I am now affiliated to their group and proud to be a part of them.

THIS is what I learned leather was all about. THIS is the leather community I want to be a part of. THIS is the community that was inclusive of those who wanted to live that chosen lifestyle; not based on the size of your biceps or dick or if you would fuck with them. THIS was the comradery I am accustomed to. THIS was one of the best Leather events I have ever been to in recent times.

In addition I got to see some of the guys from the Tampa Bay Leather Tribe having lunch with several and catching up on things. My next event will be in Augusta Georgia for the Trident Knights Leather run. I am an Associate member of that group for 3 years now and they are also another amazing group of leather men and women. Many of them were in St Pete supporting their SECC (South East Conference of Clubs) brother club. I was the ONLY one from the South Florida area to attend this past weekend. Surprised? Again no.

I am not allowed to talk, to teach or to speak down here. Why? Unless I play ball with those in charge I am not allowed to play. Why? Because they spout out what THEY feel leather is. They talk about the Old Guard when NONE of them who teach it were there. I WAS. I LIVED IT. Do you know the reasons I get as to why I am not part of this? I don’t go to the bars and I don’t wear leather out.  How can he be a leather man when he doesn’t even wear leather out?  I was told this by a dogboy. Hows THAT shit for you? If I don’t wear leather OUT  and I don’t go to bars and hang out WITH THEM, then I am not worthy of teaching and I am not even a leather man. This is the bullshit I am faced with down here. HOWEVER, I DO get to speak I AM accepted by these other groups who look TO me rather than look down AT me. I am actually considered the Patriarch in these leather groups because of my YEARS of experience in the community and I have NO title NO sash NO medallion. When someone is introduced they are directed to come to me first even before the President of these groups OUT OF RESPECT for who I am and my time and energy I have given,  yet down here because I don’t go to the PSEUDO leather bar and wear leather out, I am not even bothered with. I was even told by a leather person that because of something that was PERCEIVED that I did (when I didn’t) that if it wasn’t me I would have been splattered all over Wilton Drive..and this came from a BOY and he told me this in my own house and DISRESPECTED me in my own home by yelling at me.

I am thankful for these groups who accept me and REALIZE that who I am is a dying breed since most of the others have already died either of AIDS, drugs, illnesses or old age. It may be true that the way it was IS the way it was. HOWEVER, the way it IS, ISN’T WORKING. So rather than flounder around not knowing what the fuck you’re doing you search back to a time when IT DID..when families flourished and honor and integrity took precedence over infecting each other, being politically correct and who is fucking who and who won which sash.

I opened his chart..I see the orange card that says in HUGE BOLD letters…  DNR … Do not resuscitate. I froze. I had forgotten how that felt to read those words knowing that this would happen soon. I read the chart.. respiration 17 blood pressure 95/55,  weight 105 lbs at 5’11″.   MY God its bad I thought to myself.. I went through the chart and you can see the steady decline from a normal blood pressure and  a 28 respiration and 115 lbs  down to the latest numbers in a week. The finality of his life weighed on me because I knew the numbers weren’t good and that when he stopped breathing there was no hope of reviving him. It could be hours or days; a week maybe? Well hes fooled the doctors all this time..maybe hes gonna fool them again  I kept thinking to myself. Ive asked my friends; not this time they tell me, not this time.  Hes not gonna bounce back  and recover from this..hes not gonna get 6 months or 6 weeks..maybe not even 6 days..

Facing this is not easy. I am done with HIV… at this point in my life I have nothing left to give because I have seen too much and I am tired. I have thrown people out of my life who cant deal with me talking about it..of course NOT a GOD DAMN one of them have seen it and the day WILL come when they cant turn from it. Why? Some of those who yelled at me HAVE IT themselves and the others will have to watch it AS I HAVE. The excuses I have heard are no better than shoving your head in the sand like an ostrich so if I don’t see it or hear it,  it doesn’t exist, I don’t have  to deal with it..FOR NOW. How I feel honestly..FUCK ALL OF THEM. You can BET when that phone call comes, and it will , I wont be answering it. So many turned away from me..imagine;  NOW in 2010 ?  They have and they can stay AWAY from me. I CHOOSE not to have them near me now. By the same token some have run TO me in ways I never expected and the phone calls I have gotten from men on the net and on FaceBook who I never thought would even think bout it have been a wonderful support. It has made me know that despite what I have dealt with in so called friends I have given money, love and support to, there are those out there who DO give a damn. I think of one of the Beatitudes to end this post.  Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy.

It took me some time to be able to write this post since I am going through an extremely difficult time. I am losing my LAST long time close friend with HIV disease to AIDS and the very Meds that were supposed to keep him alive have given him cancer. He is 109 lbs at 5’11″ tall. He cant eat drink or swallow anything. Hes on Albuterol for the shortness of breath and morphine for the pain.
After he dies there are no more friends left with long term HIV. I will have outlived ALL of them.
I am writing this post for Rick Weber, Mamas Cyclist who asked about the early days of AIDS. I am FROM NYC and was there with Larry Kramer in Act Up, I knew Keith Haring, Tom Stoddard, Diego Lopez, Vito Russo and others I cant think of right now. I was part of the ORIGINAL GMHC 800 men study and the follow up 500 men study back in the 80′s. Google it..its there.
Before AIDS WAS AIDS and before it was even GRID, it was called “The Saint Disease” because it appeared that anyone who went to the Saint got the disease and no one knew what the hell it was. The Saint was a HUGE disco on the lower East side on East 6th St not far from the ST Marks Bath House. It was decadence at its pinnacle. You could check ALL your clothes down stairs in the basement and dance in a jockstrap or less and have all the sex you wanted with whoever you wanted and the drugs of EVERY kind flowed like water..
My friends brother had slept with Patient Zero from Canada as did everyone in that particular house on the ocean on Fire Island in the Pines. EVERYONE in that house at THAT time is dead. Don’t ask me for the address. I prefer not to disclose that.
It was a dizzying time Rick. Men you didn’t see for several weeks just up and died. When you went out to the Pines there was house after house after freakin house that was listed as an estate sale and you know what happened. Back then the listing was on the front of the house saying “ESTATE SALE”..Guys were afraid to stay in the houses because no one knew how the virus was spread and thought it was in the mattresses, sheets or even in the air.
I remember being told, just go with fat ugly guys. They’re safe because not many want to screw with them. All the hot ones are going to die.
You ended up dating big obese men that you figured were safe. They died too.
Hospitals were a nightmare. Nurses left food on trays, OUTSIDE ON THE FLOOR and refused to go in the rooms. Some doctors REFUSED to treat patients and funeral homes turned away dead men left right and center.
Being who I am Rick, and you KNOW me, I would say, (and excuse my language everyone) FUCK THIS and I would grab the tray without the protective clothing and go in the room and feed my friends.
I cant tell you how many times I would hug guys who were frail and that would bring tears to their eyes because NO ONE would touch them, not even their own parents, lovers..ANYONE. I was a regular at ST Vincents Hospital in Greenwich Village to see friends who were sick..sometimes going to multiple hospitals to make the rounds to several friends at the same time. I was happy when they were all in the same place so I didn’t have to run around all over NYC. From Dec 7 to the 25 one year,
I lost THREE friends.
I lost several good boys who even though I wasn’t afraid they would never let me be intimate with them for fear of infecting me. I stayed because I loved them and it didn’t matter. All of them died in the early 90s. When you would pick up the phone to call friends you knew what had happened when the phone was disconnected. When the pain was so bad you drew straws with other friends to see which one would pull the plug when the doctors and family left the room and your buddy was in a coma FULL of KS lesions all over his swollen body.
This is where I come from Rick..and I can tell you that watching my LAST friend now is NOT ANY different than watching the first one 25 years ago.
Difference is you live longer..but now the issue becomes the medicines
that are supposed to keep you healthy, keep it chronic but sometimes doesn’t. MY friend was HIV poz for only THREE years. He got cancer and died at 42 yrs old.
The issue is guys getting infected by choice..
The issue is guys forgetting there are OTHER non curable diseases like
Hepatitus C which tax the immune system when there’s co infection with HIV and as much as other STD’s are curable like gonorrhea and syphilis they STILL tax the immune system.

Well Rick..there’s part of my story in a nutshell..I recall you requesting some info on the early days in NYC and there you have it.

To ALL of you going to IML.. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make informed and HEALTHFUL choices. HIV is FAR from over and is NOT curable…the meds suppress it, but over the long haul, AT A PRICE!!

In Service..

Mammas Buddhist boy..

SIR Jim

The last person I watched die of AIDS was back in April of 1996, my Best Friend Black Michael. I had really forgotten the details of those memories until now. Michael had been my longest friend, my best friend, who at the time died of AIDS.

Fast forward to the present, May 2010. My longest and last friend with Long term HIV is dying and its been the biggest challenge in my life since 1996 when I was also fourteen years younger. I am glad that I have not become callous to it all after having watched so much death when I was in my late 20′s and into my 30′s and finally having it end when I turned 42. I see him now many times during the week. He weighs 109 lbs and he is 5’11″ tall. The cancer has taken over his body. He is on Albuterol because he gets shortness of breath. He is on morphine for pain. He has a hospice nurse come to his home and he has an oxygen tank in his house. He cannot swallow eat or drink anything substantial anymore. He chews on crushed ice. I was there this past week with my friend Kevin and I saw “the box” that the hospice nurse brought with her. Its kept in the refrigerator and its NOT to be opened by anyone other than the hospice nurse. What is it you ask? Its the box that contains the drugs that will put him out of his misery when he gets too far gone. I held that box in my hand as I have done before and I prayed right there in his kitchen that ANY kind of gentle divine being would just FUCKING take him from all this pain and misery. He cannot drive or even sit up much anymore for extended periods. He doesn’t even answer the phone. Now here’s the kicker to ALL of it. He bought his sister who’s living WITH him a plane ticket BACK to NJ.  MY friend Kevin told me that hes sending her home because he doesn’t want her to find him dead in bed or to be there when he dies.. Makes sense to me.. Hes going out on his own terms and the reason hes lasted is simply because he has fought this tooth and nail and because of it this is why hes still here and looks like skin over a skeleton.

I make sure to sit next to him..close , and to tell him that I love him as often as I can..NONE of this is about me although when he dies it will be me that has to deal with it all because he will be out of his suffering and when he dies so does that fucking virus and I will have lost one of the major friends in my life..20 years worth.  Yeah Yeah I am thankful for the time..that’s not in question and he has lived a full life and loved traveled and had tons of money, houses and cars. Does any of this rationalizing make it any easier.. NO. Its all Ive got though..

Another weird thing..the guys on the internet have been more supportive of me than those who actually have had dinner in my house, spent time with him and knew him.. I have not gotten ONE PHONE call or even ONE TEXT message from those around me that have seen him in my house FOR YEARS; yet I have had total strangers who have called me up on a regular basis to make sure I am ok and these are Leather folk to add insult to injury. Hows that bullshit for you? I  have done a MAJOR re evaluation of those around me..and if they haven’t been there through this they sure as hell aren’t going to be there for me in ANY capacity..and if you happen to be reading this now..DON’T BOTHER.  If I had to write about this to get you to think and move your ass then you aren’t worth my time.  I am lucky though for the few that are sticking by me because this has been HORRIFIC to watch. They go to their bars and parties and events without one thought outside their own miserable little world..I wonder what happens when THEY will have to go through watching someone die that they are REALLY close to..Guess who’s NOT answering the phone when they call?

Am I angry??? YOU BET YOUR ASS I AM. This is one MAJOR reason why I don’t bother with the leather community down here. Do you know how many people I have told this to?? They don’t want to  talk about it or deal with it. Well you see, as I was told, I have HIV and I cant deal with it..they laugh nervously then move on to something more pleasant about THEM. I have actually gotten yelled at for talking too much about my friend who’s dying because that all I talked about..Well Jesus Christ hes my friend of 20 years its not the family hamster for Christ sake.  I am now surrounding myself with men who can be there for me and who want an INTER-INDEPENDENT friendship and I AM finding them;  just not in the Leather Community. They don’t yell at me, they don’t tell me that’s all I talk about, which by the way that’s NOT all I talk about. I am supported and helped through this nightmare..yet AGAIN.

Here’s ANOTHER BIG bullshit excuse I get..Well you don’t go to the bars, you don’t come out in leather, you don’t go to events..HOWEVER, I have offered my time, my energy to teach, to speak and I have gone to events and offered what I am capable of giving and I get, yes yes we’ll call but no one does..and then its MY fault when I don’t keep going and no one bothers with me..Its still my fault..so because I don’t do this or that..you tell people your friend is dying and its ok not to give a shit right? This is what I am told…and you wonder why I don’t bother with the community here? The biggest kicker.. MANY of them have HIV and one would think that there would be SOME morsel of compassion. There isn’t.  I hope none of these people go through what I have. I wouldn’t wish this on a dog..For any of you reading this, please pray for The Divine to take him quickly and in peace..

I had my chance to reconnect specifically with the dogboy who’s name I couldn’t EVER remember. Gem was the Jewel of the pack.  He was different; regal, majestic; sitting upright like the king of the dogs while the other two wrestled and screwed around on the floor. I think as much as SIR enjoyed Tuffe and Ruffe he always had special feelings for Gem, which he why he gave him such a different type of name.

Gem is about 62 now.  His history and evolution into the mandog he now is would be way too long to go into.  Its VERY rich and diversified so he doesn’t just know only one road.  His roads are many. This is where I come from. This is how I learned; not from one road but from the experiences of men who had lived in many places experiencing  many different trains of thought and ways in the leather lifestyle. He has lived in Chicago,  San Francisco, NYC,  to name a few so hes VERY well rounded within that community long gone.  Although I only lived in NYC during my formative years in leather, I have the knowledge and heard the experiences of  those who lived in many places; not only of Gem’s but of the other dogs and the 4 boys who were much more experienced. My mission for the remainder of my time here is to get THAT information out to anyone who wishes to hear it FREE OF CHARGE.

I was on the phone with Gem for about an hour or so and I will be seeing him at some point within the month. I will be talking about the experiences of these men as time goes on. The yenta that I am, I am trying to get the dogs to be in SIRS service again…Wouldn’t THAT be so FREAKIN cool?  Before any of you ask, no they cannot EVER be MY dogs. As much as now that would easily be seen as normal, there was a structure  and protocol then that would prohibit me from EVER doing that. I think that’s the HUGE difference between then and now. Men get collared in hours;  boys can yell at SIRS,  everyone can fuck with everyone and change their minds at the drop of a hat getting whatever it is they need on a whim rather than without ANY thought; and although I may be stuck in that bygone period, I wont forsake the things I learned from men who I adored and still do. I prefer being alone than being a phony to who I am and where I am from. I will give up the lifestyle altogether rather than becoming what I see as leather out there today.

My talk with Gem confirmed that who I am AS I AM is right for me. Gem is such a sweetheart.  I know you are reading this Gem but you know I think the world of you. there isn’t a dog out there that I know who could ever come close to who you were let alone who you are now.  I tip my cap to you. In my book you are the Alpha of all of them. In Admiration of and to you. Sunshine.

I got a call from my SIR, Paul who informed me that his three former dogs are all alive and well. Tuffy, Ruffy, and the long lost name I couldn’t remember, GEM. I sat on one of the benches in a state of total shock, amazement and profound joy. I honestly thought they were all dead like my brother boys but lo and behold they are all alive and well.

Those two big built bruiser wrestling dogs were together after almost 30 years. Gem is still on his own but the three of them have been basically never out of touch with each other. I feel SO revitalized and comforted to know that AIDS didn’t get them. They knew I was around but SIR never said a word until I asked about them. Odd thing with what I know of Old Guard. Information on someones personal life wasn’t put out there like it is now. IT was personal not public. You always felt protected not exploited.

Within 25 minutes I was on the phone with ALL THREE OF THEM.. There’s talk of a family reunion at some point over the summer. I had a million questions for them as they did for me…again I cant share some of what we spoke of. The Personal thing. They said they were very proud of me and the way I turned out and I needed to hear that from them because I was always the trouble maker, the Tazmanian devil, the pain in the ass youngest boy and lately I seem to be the whipping post for everyone down here in South Florida, not because I did anything malicious or mean, because to be mean and malicious you need forethought and in my case there wasn’t any,  but because when you make a mistake and you are considered to be an icon, there are always people who take unbelievable pleasure in tearing you down when you fuck up, being  malicious toward you, and that’s ok, because in their rage they justify their malice, (the do as I say not as I do syndrome) so this call couldn’t have come at a better time.

I will go into more detail in my next blog when I get to talk to all three of them more at length.